Thursday, January 07, 2010

Blogging 'Real'

I read a post recently about blogging 'real'. In other words, not hiding our true selves, or trying to make ourself look better on our blog than we are in real life. I try not to do that anyway, but I may have been guilty of it once or twice ;)

Anyway, on that theme, I am going to share with you my first 'real' blog of the New Year, and you will see the 'real' me, at least the 'real' me right now, how I'm feeling at 3:18 this afternoon :)

Joel and I just made a tough decision. And I'm feeling down.....WAY down.

You see, we feel that God gave us this house that we live in right now. When we were looking for houses to buy six years ago, this one just kind of fell in our lap. It was the right price, it was a great starter home, and it would suit the needs of a growing family ( a theoretical idea at the time!) just fine for several years, at least. We've never regretted buying this house---we both feel it was pretty much handed to us from God. We've been working REALLY hard this past while to put every last penny that we can into our Mortgage fund and, well, pay it off :)

However, with that said, let me state this. Joel and I have never really felt like this was our 'dream' home. It was the RIGHT home at the RIGHT time, and we love it, but it's never been our 'dream' home. We could live here the rest of our lives if we needed to and we'd be grateful for the house, but if we had our say, we'd rather not. Especially me!

So, when we were driving in a near-by town the other day and saw a house for sale that looked interesting.....we decided to have a look. We went over that very same night, and we both FELL IN LOVE with this house! Me especially! It was gorgeous. It had everything that I would want in my 'dream' home. It was not a 'cookie cutter' style house---it had 'character', and I like that! Hard-wood floors throughout, beautiful windows with wooden shutters, TWO stories (which was a must for this girl who has spent her entire life in Rancher style houses and doesn't paticularly care for them), a school room/music room, a HUGE kitchen, a dining room that I absolutely LOVED.....the list goes on. It was like, MY house. It was just screaming "Jaime!!" I was already picturing hanging garland on the stairway next Christmas and bringing home my new baby in a few months to this house...... We were scheduled to do a final walk-through tomorrow and sign a contract.

But then, my wonderful, practical, ever-wise husband was having second thoughts.

We could have afforded it. We could have made our budget work, especially if we'd gotten renters for our current house. But, it would have thrown back our plan to have this house paid off and be debt-free by several--SEVERAL years. It would have made things very tight, and over-all, it just wouldn't have been the wisest financial decision. We've worked SO hard to get where we are financially right now, and we'd be throwing alot of that away. Our HEARTS were telling us to buy it, but our brains were shouting NO the whole time.

Thankfully, Joel and I usually see things on the same page. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. We COULD buy this house, we'd LOVE to buy this house, but right now is just not the BEST time for it. We'd be 'kicking ourselves later' (his own words :)

So, he's making the call this afternoon to cancel our final walk-through. I have to admit, in the spirit of keeping this post 'real', that I am TERRIBLY disappointed. I really, really, wanted that house. But, I love my husband MORE than my 'dream' house, and I've always trusted him to do the right financial thing, and I trust him on this issue as well. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, just disappointed.

I'll probably eat an extra bowl of ice-cream tonight and shed a few tears on my loving, understanding husband's shoulder, but then that will be the end of it. I still have EVERYTHING that God has already given to me, and to fret about this much more would be selfish. And so, at least for the time being, we'll stay here, in our quiet little home of six years. I'll continue to be a 'rancher' style girl, until that double-story dream house presents itself at the RIGHT time. I'll bring my new baby home in June to this house, the same house I've brought all of my babies home to, and I'll count my blessings, one little head at a time.....


Jodi said...

Oh how I can relate to this. GOOD FOR YOU!!! Great job working hard to be debt free. Reaching that goal will feel so good! Enjoy your ice cream and tear-shedding tonight. ;)

Chuck said...

thanks for posting this
may we all be real
honest vulnerable and transparent
this year

Anonymous said...

If we get a chance we should talk on Saturday about this. Wes and I did buy the 'dream house' and because of our financial goals, we will likely be putting it on the market this spring. Your post was perfect timing for me because just tonight, on my way home from a class at church for Anna, I thought to myself that maybe we should just stay here - we can swing it and we are doing ok. It would be easier to stay than deal with having a house on the market. But, then I reminded myself of our financial goals - also to be totally and completely debt free, and reality sunk back in. Thank you for being 'real' and sharing. It was perfect timing for me!!!!
See you Saturday and we are keeping our fingers crossed for not too much snow. We are 'southeners now' you know:)

Elizabeth said...

I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said above but, just wanted you to know that I think very highly of you and Joel for making this decision. I can imagine how disappointed you are but I know that you are wise enough that in the long run, you're going to feel more at ease over this decision.

I hope you don't mind, I do have a story that just came to mind! It sort of applies here. When we lived in Coudersport, well, we had just moved there and didn't have a house yet. My parents were hard at work finding us that 'perfect' house (thinking after several recent moves, that this one would be 'it' for a while). Well, they found their dream-house and my mom looooved it. However, for whatever reasons I don't remember, they didn't buy it. It may have been too much money. Fast forward a few years later, in middle school. I girl I went to school with, who was in my grade, had a horrible tragedy. Her family's house burnt down. Thankfully, no one was injured (I think they may have lost a pet which is of course very sad). My family and I were stunned. It was the SAME house they were going to buy. The story gets even crazier. Fast forward another 10 years or so. I ran into this SAME GIRL that I went to school with, at WVU!!!! She was even in the same building as me, working on an art degree. Could there have been a greater coincidence? Running into this old classmate from time to time has become a daily reminder to me of a few things 1) Count your blessings....especially the ones we forget we have!
2) Materialism does NOT bring happiness. I didn't mention that in addition to losing their house, a few years ago, her father committed suicide after years of 'small-town talk' accusing him of burning his own house down for insurance $. I look at this girl and I see someone who has learned to be truly content in spite of several life tragedies. Although I would never wish such things on anyone, I do see a strength in her that I don't know if I'll ever have myself.

O.k. so, maybe not ALL of that applied to this situation, exactly. However, I guess I just thought of it because it made me realize that things always happen one way or another for a reason. When you do get your dream house, you're right, the timing will be perfect and it will feel good all around. Hope you had some good ice cream tonight and that tomorrow is a better day!

Good night :)

Elise said...

Oh, friend. My heart fell with your words... but I have words of hope to whisper...

He has something even more *Jaime* planned... it would be unbelievable, if we didn't know our God better.

Can't wait to see what He has in store for the husband and wife who have sought Him, obeyed, and walked in one spirit! xo

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Jaime. I can imagine how you felt and feel. Your post made me cry (maybe pregnancy hormones contributed :) You are so right to be thankful and content with what you have, but I can totally see why you were excited about the other house.


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