I read a post recently about blogging 'real'. In other words, not hiding our true selves, or trying to make ourself look better on our blog than we are in real life. I try not to do that anyway, but I may have been guilty of it once or twice ;)
Anyway, on that theme, I am going to share with you my first 'real' blog of the New Year, and you will see the 'real' me, at least the 'real' me right now, how I'm feeling at 3:18 this afternoon :)
Joel and I just made a tough decision. And I'm feeling down.....WAY down.
You see, we feel that God gave us this house that we live in right now. When we were looking for houses to buy six years ago, this one just kind of fell in our lap. It was the right price, it was a great starter home, and it would suit the needs of a growing family ( a theoretical idea at the time!) just fine for several years, at least. We've never regretted buying this house---we both feel it was pretty much handed to us from God. We've been working REALLY hard this past while to put every last penny that we can into our Mortgage fund and, well, pay it off :)
However, with that said, let me state this. Joel and I have never really felt like this was our 'dream' home. It was the RIGHT home at the RIGHT time, and we love it, but it's never been our 'dream' home. We could live here the rest of our lives if we needed to and we'd be grateful for the house, but if we had our say, we'd rather not. Especially me!
So, when we were driving in a near-by town the other day and saw a house for sale that looked interesting.....we decided to have a look. We went over that very same night, and we both FELL IN LOVE with this house! Me especially! It was gorgeous. It had everything that I would want in my 'dream' home. It was not a 'cookie cutter' style house---it had 'character', and I like that! Hard-wood floors throughout, beautiful windows with wooden shutters, TWO stories (which was a must for this girl who has spent her entire life in Rancher style houses and doesn't paticularly care for them), a school room/music room, a HUGE kitchen, a dining room that I absolutely LOVED.....the list goes on. It was like, MY house. It was just screaming "Jaime!!" I was already picturing hanging garland on the stairway next Christmas and bringing home my new baby in a few months to this house...... We were scheduled to do a final walk-through tomorrow and sign a contract.
But then, my wonderful, practical, ever-wise husband was having second thoughts.
We could have afforded it. We could have made our budget work, especially if we'd gotten renters for our current house. But, it would have thrown back our plan to have this house paid off and be debt-free by several--SEVERAL years. It would have made things very tight, and over-all, it just wouldn't have been the wisest financial decision. We've worked SO hard to get where we are financially right now, and we'd be throwing alot of that away. Our HEARTS were telling us to buy it, but our brains were shouting NO the whole time.
Thankfully, Joel and I usually see things on the same page. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. We COULD buy this house, we'd LOVE to buy this house, but right now is just not the BEST time for it. We'd be 'kicking ourselves later' (his own words :)
So, he's making the call this afternoon to cancel our final walk-through. I have to admit, in the spirit of keeping this post 'real', that I am TERRIBLY disappointed. I really, really, wanted that house. But, I love my husband MORE than my 'dream' house, and I've always trusted him to do the right financial thing, and I trust him on this issue as well. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, just disappointed.
I'll probably eat an extra bowl of ice-cream tonight and shed a few tears on my loving, understanding husband's shoulder, but then that will be the end of it. I still have EVERYTHING that God has already given to me, and to fret about this much more would be selfish. And so, at least for the time being, we'll stay here, in our quiet little home of six years. I'll continue to be a 'rancher' style girl, until that double-story dream house presents itself at the RIGHT time. I'll bring my new baby home in June to this house, the same house I've brought all of my babies home to, and I'll count my blessings, one little head at a time.....